Mario Kart Competition: Final Fantasy Cart Coming Soon

Chocobo GP is the kart racer you didn't see coming, but here it is: A kart racing game with Final Fantasy characters. We didn't see this coming, but we love it. Thank you, Square Enix.
Chocobo gp final fantasy kart game
Move over Mario Kart, FF Kart is here, but it's called... Chocobo GP... for some reason. | © Square Enix

Alright, picture this: You're Square Enix. For three decades, you built up one of the greatest franchises in gaming. You cultivated this franchise over generations of gamers, carried by one of the best gaming titles of all time: Final Fantasy – a name that means everything and nothing. A name that inspires romance and longing. A name as endless as this seeming franchise of quality releases. A name, that was used by pop-culture king Drake in reference to a song that has nothing to do with gaming.

Yes, picture that, you are Square Enix. You did all that, all the while crafting stories that inspired tears and joy, with characters that inspired more: Cosplay, love – real love – and fanaticism, not to speak the undoubtedly countless surgeries done to look more like Tifa, Cloud, or Sephiroth. Yes, picture it, you're Square Enix, (Editor: I get it bro, I'm Square Enix, calm down, oh my god) the company responsible for all the above. The company that transitioned from old-school into new-school so effortlessly with Final Fantasy XIV. You've endured the turn of the millennium, and you've entered yet another generation of video games, all the while maintaining that very name I already touched on: Final Fantasy. Marvelous. The name that keeps on echoing forever. The name that means something to people that it should mean nothing to. Final Fantasy. Yup. You're Square Enix...

... and then you release a kart-racing game and call it Chocobo GP.

What. The. F*ck.

Can Square Enix please fire their entire naming department? Like... now? What, did they hire Microsoft to come up with the name? What's going on here. I don't understand. I don't think anyone understands. Chocobo GP?

Chocobo GP?!

I barely remember that those yellow bird-from-Sesame-Street-lookalikes are called Chocobos. You're really gonna call your game Chocobo GP? Final Fantasy is up there with anyone as one of the greatest gaming franchises of all-time. The name alone gives it potential to compete with Mario Kart. You had a lay-up here, Square Enix, and you didn't just blow it, you somehow burned the whole arena and the parking lot down in the process.

What. The. F*ck.

Anyway, the gameplay doesn't actually look all that bad, and you can watch the trailer below. It looks like it will be a Nintendo Switch exclusive, but no announcements have been made, so it's not set in stone. On October 3, at the Tokyo Game Show, Square Enix will reveal more about the game, and, hopefully, announce a name change.


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