Boyfriend Stolen By Elden Ring, Girlfriends Seek Advice

A girl has reached out on Reddit to seek relationship advice after Elden Ring "stole" her boyfriend.
Elden ring boyfriend stolen
Oh, jeez, not again! | © From Software & Creative Commons Images

It's time, once again, for some Reddit Drama. This time – however un-newsworthy – we are here to make you laugh with a tale as old as time. The tale of the lost-boyfriend and the overly bloated open-world game. Indeed, we are not speaking of just anyone's Elden Ring-obsessed boyfriend, we're talking about a Reddit-user's Elden Ring-obsessed boyfriend and – as you would well know – no one is more important than the personal relation of some random person on Reddit.

So here we begin. Boy meets girl, girl meets boy, they fall in love. Months pass by and romance is in the air, through thick and through thin, through high and through low. Then the abominable beast bares its ugly head: From Software and their magnum opus, Elden Ring, is here. What does that mean? Well, it means a lot of complaining from random human beings on Reddit and the return of that ever-unpleasant meme. That meme we all dread beyond despair.

You see, Elden Ring has captured the hearts of many a-gamer. Our resident Elden Ring reviewer, Faris (who played 45 hours of the game in just 9 days), was particularly enamored. What it also means, however, is that quite a large quantity of time was in need of playing by the aforementioned Reddit boyfriend. Elden Ring is huge, after all, and it is entirely possible for one's boyfriend to entirely give up their relationship time in favor of a couple of hundred hours exploring this open-world. I mean, that would make them a terrible boyfriend, but it is possible.

Elden Ring Stole My Boyfriend!

Here we are, to the crux of the matter: a random lady on Reddit posted in r/relationship_advice that her boyfriend had been stolen by Elden Ring. It is getting so bad, in fact, that the bloke is abstaining from sexual intercourse with this particular complainant. Why this is any of our business, or why the gaming press has decided to report on the matter, is, of course, beyond our comprehension.

In the post, female Redditor u/throwra_bfnobj complained about a number of things. To preserve your attention, and to avoid you leaving this page and reading the actual post, here's some of the text:

Last night, me and my boyfriend were hanging out. We don't get a lot of chances to be together, and we've recently gone about a month and a half without having sex. We finally got a chance to be together and even had a date yesterday. He picked up a new game while we were out and started playing as soon as we got back to his place. I let him play for about two hours, but I started getting affectionate after a bit, since the date was really nice and I was enjoying being with him at night for the first time in a while.

This is truly riveting stuff, isn't it? But it gets even better, we promise you! Let's continue to analyze this random person's life.

He was really engrossed in the game and didn't ask me what was wrong until around three hours in. When I told him I wanted sex, or at least to [REDACTED], he just said "oh", and went back to playing his game. I felt kind of bad for mentioning it and tried to stay and watch him play for a bit longer, but eventually decided to go to sleep. He stayed up playing until at least 2 am, at which point I feel asleep without even cuddling. I'm not sure if he ever came to bed, he usually wakes up before me when we sleep together anyway.

The writer continues on to complain that she was very disappointed in the evening, which is fair enough if you ask us. Honestly, let's take this article in an entirely new direction. Miss, here's our advice...

EarlyGame's Completely Unnecessary Relationship Advice

Listen, here's the deal: Elden Ring is great, but should never take precedence of a good, strong relationship. Especially sex because, as we're sure that you're aware (and was quite clear in your Reddit post), sex is great. It's not the bedrock of a relationship, though, because that is where good communication and respect comes in. Yeah, Elden Ring is great, but that doesn't mean that you should be ignored in favor of it. I mean, he should have at least shouted you a pizza and brought you a li'l coffee in the morning.

At least a coffee. Seriously, dude, at least buy the girl a coffee. EarlyGame out.